He's Gone

After a long drawn out process of driving onto post to drop off bags, then hanging around the gym looking around at all the families, we said Goodbye to Brian in 3 short minutes. I tried not to cry, but when he bent down to kiss Danielle, the tears slid down my cheeks. It was so hard to be strong and hold it in, when I'm thinking this isn't fair. This wasn't supposed to happen so soon again. We were supposed to have another year or so before he went back to Iraq. But it's his job, the Army is how we pay our rent and put food on our table and clothes on our back and diapers on Danielles bum.

Then it made me think, which is better: it being a first deployment where you have no idea what to expect, or it being a second, third, fourth deployment where you know exactly what to expect and how freaking hard it's going to be. I still haven't decided yet. Give me a few months to shake the daze I am in.

The hardest thing so far is that Danielle has no idea what's going on. She is too young to wonder where Daddy is, when she wakes up tomorrow. But will she remember him...I have to prepare myself for that. I wanted to play the dvd of Brian reading her a bedtime story but my nerves are too raw tonight. That will start tomorrow as her bedtime ritual. Right after her bath, I'll put the movie on while she's waiting for her bottle. *SIGH* It's the little things you have to do as an Army wife, to keep your family together and united across the country.

But we wait...always waiting...because he is worth the wait.